Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a Mom, a Dad, two sisters and me, Gimli. Wait, this is no fairy tale, this is about the adventures of me conquering the world one human lap at a time. This is world domination at the finest! So, my adventure has begun...
It has been a little over a week and I find myself in this new strange place with all kinds of new smells, different food flavors and new faces with old faces. My adventure began with Grandma and Mom taking me on one of my favorite things...a car ride. I should of known something was up when they loaded the back seat with those cages Mom kept putting me in over night. Well, most of the night. I have her trained that if I cry and scratch the cage, Mom lets me out and then I can take over the warm bed. Grandma and Mom let myself and my sibs, Chloe and Zoe, get out and stretch out little paws and enjoy the smells of marking our territory all over some bushes. They then led us by those chain gang they like to call leashes into a room. Chloe needs to teach me how she manages to break free from this line. We went into this room, where sadly it was the last time I saw Grandma. The three of us were placed in this large pen. Chloe was too busy wanting to play with the kitties in the other room that she did not notice how sad Grandma was and how she needed my power snuggle. (Mom, told me later that Grandma is coming to visit and also let us talk to her on some magic box that she used to talk to Dad through).
What happened next, well, I am going to be short. We were all loaded in our gray cages, taken to meet new people who had fancy outfits. These people were really nice and I gave them my adorable look and I think it worked. (I am learning to master the 'cute got to love me look' and so far I am able to control most people with it). They gave us some water, but would not let us out, and then put us in some large area where well, we waited, and waited, and waited and heard loud noises, and waited, and bounced around a little bit, and well more waiting. Sometime in the waiting, we three took naps, and waited. Glad Mom got larger cages so we could stretch our legs and be able to sit or lay down. I wish we had food inside though, but Mom said something about diet. Whatever that means. As long as I can still have ice cream and cheese with Grandmas I don't care. Finally, the loud noise stopped, and the three of us went to some other spot that had a large cage like the one we were previously in. These people were nice, they put us all together so we can wrestle and play around. After some time, we got the best gift of all, DAD!!!!! He and Mom were waiting for us and ohhh we got to love them and pounce them and love them and give them all kinds of snuggles and kisses. I have a masters in snuggling!
We finally made it to some place Dad called "Home". Not quite sure about this. It smells like Dad, but where are all of my stuff? Where is my couch to watch TV on, or my blankees to snuggle with? Then Chloe found heaven. Inside Mom's stuff (like she was trying to hide them from us) was all sorts of my favorite toys. Chloe had all kinds of eggs, Zoe had her sheeps. Me, I found snake, and blue lizard and elephant. I LOVE ELEPHANT! I am mad at Zoe, she took it from me and now it has a whole near its eye and she was pulling out the insides. "Home" is in well, different. Mom keeps fussing about something she calls the oven and not being able to work it. Then she and Dad keep waking me up at night turning on some loud plastic thing that makes my bed rise up. Mom called it an airbed. One night Mom turned it on three times, doesn't she know I was sleeping! I don't care if they are sleeping on the ground, I am comfy laying on them. Then this house has this obstacle called stairs. Zoe and Chloe run up and down all three floors. Yes I can go up and down, but I am working on training Mom and Dad to carry me down. I can go up, but when it is time to go down I act like I am too scared to go, so they carry me. They call it the puppy-vater. I don't mind, it gives me a chance to kiss them as they carry me. OH and the back yard, ok, is cold and I find that I need to go potty really fast, otherwise my paws get cold, but the grass. I looovvveee grass. Mom and Dad are not happy about the tall grass, but I love it. The three of us can pounce around and hide in it. Plus we found a chewed on sneaker. We didn't do it, like I would ever chew on a shoe (Sorry Grandma).
Mom and Dad have taken us out a few times, but it is so cold outside, we don't go far. Dad got us new harnesses, which I managed to get out of on the first trip out. I am a free dog, why should I have to wear one of those, I will just walk by Mom anyways. Chloe and Zoe look ridiculous in thiers, since it is too big. They lost their pretty orange colored ones with the trip that had all of the waiting. When we are not going out, Mom has given us something wonderful- Jellied meat dog food! YUM! I don't understand why Mom keeps making funny faces when she gives us breakfast, this stuff is wonderful.
Now finally, to my first conquest. Mom and Dad have introduced us to "Aunt Jules". Chloe and Zoe love her, me, not sure yet. She is staying on the floor above and well, it is a lot of work to go up there to see her. She does however take time out and rub my belly and be nice to me. I am currently play hard to get with her and so far it seems to be working. She has already gave in and gives me massages. She even brought home her sister, who also loves on me. So, two women I have conquered with my adorable love and affection.
So, til next post, let me leave you with this advice, Life is too short to not stop and sniff the shoes.
-Gimli Rempfer
